“Yeah, well, the world needs ditch diggers too” -Judge Smails response to Danny Noonan when he says he can’t go to college. Caddyshack
We had a big corporate drama at work these past few months, and it’s still not over. I have always been a bit uncomfortable working for “the man” and feeding the machine. But I have also known that I live on the planet called Practical, and I have no choice. Besides, I liked the people I worked with, some of the people and clients that I worked for, and most importantly, I support my family. We are fed, clothed, insured, and have central air. I am light years ahead of my family when I was growing up, and make about 90% less mistakes than they did.
A big hypocritical dose of classism aside, I am a functioning member of society with my dignity and soul in tact. But right now, I just feel like I am suspended in mid-air.
I am not educated formally past high school. I took a sweet office gig for survival and I am still there. I appreciate having an income. I appreciate working hard for my family. I appreciate that I am not homeless. I appreciate. This isn’t whiny middle class whoa is me bullshit. But I also feel like I have nowhere to go right now and it’s suffocating me. Right this second, I am always going to be dependant on greedy corporate douche bags. Every decision they make, every meeting they take, and every check they cash decides my fate.
This isn’t to say I think all of the corporate world is corrupt, greedy and out for themselves. I am sure there are some really great places out there. And you know, for the most part, mine might be the lesser of a few evils. This isn’t about them per se. It’s about how right now, right this second, I am feeling the weight of supporting my family the only one way I know how. If this were the early 50’s, I would swear I have a penis.
Ok so when the time is right, I am going back to school. I don’t know when that will be. I am temporarily unable to compartmentalize my work life and my home life. I am letting it carry over but trying my best to hide it. If it’s one thing I am good at, it’s perspective. And I need some right now. And I sure as shit don’t want to sound like a sobbing brat, when I know full well that I am not alone in this. This blog is really more of an egotistical public journal for me, and writing this will help me to suck it up and do what I do.
I just keep hoping I shed this feeling and let my dignity and soul shine through so that I can come home and love my husband and son, and put corporate douche mania in the corner of my mind somewhere.
The planet Practical is a good place to be.
-Bebe
The Crab Bucket 