Let’s talk religion for a moment. I was baptized Catholic, but only after my 17-year-old mother found a priest who would do it since she wasn’t married. I have a love/hate relationship with Catholicism. Mostly meaning that I love to hate it. I mean, I am kind of everywhere with it. I believe in God, in a certain respect. I believe Jesus was an incredible man who did incredible things in his time, obviously. I believe that Mary loved her son. I believe in the magical little community of saints and servants. I respect the fanatical devotion that most of those women and men displayed way back. Starvation, years of silence, prayer, servitude, bleeding eyes, etc. These people earned their place in the stained glass, although in this day and age, they would be largely ignored, placed in institutions, members of a cult, or lovingly called eccentric by their kin. But, I digress.

I think that all lapsed, former, disgruntled..fill in the blank..catholics can all agree on what we don’t like about our religion, so I won’t go into it here. I don’t have all night, and it’s not the point of what I want to say.

I have not baptized my son yet. At first, I was just taking my time. Then, honestly, I forgot. Yes, I forgot about baptizing my kid. I knew I wasn’t going to go the Catholic route, so I had a nondenominational thing in mind. Then, I read somewhere that a naming ceremony, or a welcoming ceremony was something heathens like myself do from time to time. Heathens, and apparently centuries of Jewish folk, or so I have recently learned.

I want to write about this now because I have been getting some pressure from some people because I have not had the kid blessed by God yet. And the people doing the pressuring are a few licks shy of living for eternity in hell themselves. You know the type. Ever see the movie Saved? Mandy Moore was hilarious as a teenage fundie Christian who at one point throws a bible at an adversary while screaming “I AM FILLED WITH CHRIST’S LOVE!” The type to kick a puppy on Good Friday morning, just before blowing a married guy, talking smack about their grandmother, and stiffing a waitress at the busy diner where she ordered tuna, because she can’t eat meat on Good Friday.

What if something awful happens to him, they ask me. Do you really believe my baby will burn in hell if something awful happens to them? He should be blessed by God, they tell me. Who is God? A priest that I don’t know? He wasn’t supposed to be born. He was. He had surgery after he was born. He lived. His existence is a blessing.

I have explained that for right now, I am more uncomfortable stepping into a church of any kind, without any kind of connection or while I am having doubts, than doing nothing at all. It’s not honest, it’s not fair, and it’s not a very faithful thing to do. And did you know that if you have holy water poured over your baby’s head without faith in your heart that the water spells out YOUR MOM IS A LYING SEETHING HARLOT on their forehead? It’s true. I think it was an entry on the mother of all blogs, The Rosetta Stone.

I have plenty of things in life to be hypocritical about. My son’s soul is not something I am willing to add to that list. I want to feel right with God, and I also want him to feel right with God before the big plunge. I am hoping to educate him about all sorts of faiths, and more importantly, teach him to act as if he is in the presence of God at all times. Remember the golden rule, kid. Be kind. Be honest. Remember that you have a divinity inside of you. Treating our world properly, loving with your heart, and showing compassion and patience with all of your might is really what God’s blessings are all about.

Being anointed is just the spare tire that some people use to feel as if they are covered. Living right and living well is the steering wheel. Early 90’s one hit wonder Tennesee  by Arrested Development gave me the spare tire/steering wheel thing. I steal it, humbly. I think it’s accurate, if not kind of cheesy. But my point needs to be made.

Now please do not misunderstand. I do not think that everyone in any faith is gullible, or paying lip service to get by. I know many devoted people of many religions and they live what they believe, and I admire them. I have seen baptisms and communions that broke my heart, seeing the happiness and pride in the families eyes. I know it’s tangible for a lot of people, and I love that for them.

My mom told me recently that had she known then what she knew now, she would have feared less for my soul and just raised me right and let me decide for myself later. So the Mr. and I decided that will be what we do. I will tell the people who are pressuring me to break out the masking tape or some decorative decals to put up in those glass houses they live in, what with all of these stones they are throwing.  My son’s soul is just fine. Personally, I am hoping for his pick to be Buddhism. We could use some enlightenment, and everyone loves a Zen son of a lying seething harlot, right? I think they pretty much have to.



5 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Tamale Chica
    Sep 14, 2009 @ 19:24:33

    Church ceremonies can be nice, calming, and wonderful social events, but God isn’t meant to only be found in the church. If He was, none of us should be able to live anywhere except in one. Churches and their teachings were needed for the past 2,000 years so that the masses would have some sense of direction, especially if one has not already been able to find the Christ Spirit within. In those cases, people need some help. Then of course there is the need to support the physical church structure, so ceremonies and services are done in a house of worship rather than at home since it’s hard to pass a collection plate if someone is finding Enlightenment through meditation at home in their livingroom.

    If we embrace and have faith in God, we let Him into our heart and soul. Some people hear the call of God and the Angels more readily, and have more of a sense of God awareness than others do. Others need the help of ceremony. I think it is difficult for those who need the help of ceremony to understand those who already may feel a different connection.

    I think the real calling of the state of our soul lays not with blessings, after all, undoubtedly there have been a few major sinners of the “taking other people’s life” variety, who have had their souls blessed, and been die hard church goers. So obviously that isn’t the cure all. The lives we lead and our innate ability to connect to the Kingdom Within is to me, the key. Some of us feel God and the Christ Spirit within all the time, other’s need to find it are more readily with help, and others seem to have shut that door.

    Buddhism is an interesting religion. Half my family is Christian and the other half Buddhist (so yeah, there was a lot of double church stuff for me). The thing about Enlightment is ultimately it comes from within, but more like “Within” being “the Kingdom of God Within.” So in many ways, it’s all towards the same goal, but just a different journey.


  2. Big City Copper
    Sep 15, 2009 @ 02:19:20

    I used to be a heathen, practicing pagan rituals all hours of the night instead of just at dawn. When I experienced a couple of enlightening moments, the real possibility of a power greater than I suddenly made some sense. Now I try to treat people as if they might secretly be Jesus Horatio doing an undercover sting. You never know.

    This came to me later in life, but it did. Your son will discover his inner light in his own time. He may have already!

    With true wisdom, Everett and Delmar discussed it, as intellects would.

    Delmar: “That preacher dunked me in the river and told me I was saved. So that Piggly Wiggly I knocked over in Tupelo, has been washed clean from my soul.”

    Everett: “You said you were innocent of those charges.”

    Delmar: “In the eyes of the Lord, I AM innocent.”

    Everett: “But you’re not, in the eyes of the state of Mississippi!”


    • thecrabbucket
      Sep 15, 2009 @ 15:59:56

      My favorite movie quote ever, in the history of movie quotes is the following:

      Ulysses Everett McGill: Well, ain’t it a small world, spiritually speaking. Pete and Delmar just been baptized and saved. I guess I’m the only one that remains unaffiliated.


  3. twanda
    Sep 16, 2009 @ 10:51:22

    Ya know. I’m Catholic, and at peace with it. BUT… a big but. My dad is a Buddhist CAtholic, my mom is Methodist, and my brother is an Atheist. My husband has had a Vasectomy and I used birthcontrol. So maybe I’m at peace with it because I’m so bad at it. Although my parents were both Catholic, I was exposed to ALL versions of Christianity and truly allowed to make my own choice. I’m getting ready to sign up my oldest son for his First Communion Classes. I hope to as good of a job in the “religion” department as my parents.

    As far as the state of the soul. I think that the spirit we embody as children is the truest form of who are, and who we were created to be. Children are mailable and that’s the issue. Most of us, unknowingly, allow our spirit to be shaped, manipulated, modified by the outside world as we get older. I DO believe that true faith keeps us in touch with our childhood spirit, and gives us the strength to be the us we were meant to be. As for religion? Be careful.


    • thecrabbucket
      Sep 16, 2009 @ 14:27:00

      Nicely said, Twanda. I agree. I spoke with the people putting pressure on me, and they are fine now. Thank goodness.


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