Aunt Flow

If there is one thing I’m going to teach my daughter, it’s never wear a short dress.  Okay, well maybe not that.  However, more importantly if she does, make sure the undies she is wearing are not ratty old things all stained up from a previous “that time of the month”.

In fact, take the time to sort through said ratty undies and only wear them if you are, oh I don’t know, on a deserted island? Or need to clean a piano.

Especially and I mean ESPECIALLY if you are bent over on the stairs leading to your balcony, picking up dropped keys and you don’t notice your dress up over your ass, and the new neighbor walks up the stairs behind you.  The neighbor you’ve never spoke too because he’s new to the building.  So there you are, your stained undies all up in his face.

This neighbor will not know you did all you could today to get in a shower, organize closets and entertain your kid, as well as manage to eat lunch.  He will also not know they really are clean, you just spend all your time making sure your daughter is in pristine pink clothing at all times.  So grabbing the first pair of undies in the drawer was the way your morning played out.

Or, you know, don’t wear them on a date too.  My kid might not even have a balcony.  Or neighbors.

So here goes.  Another promise I will make to my kid besides helping pay for college: I will throw out her ratty undies for her to save her this embarrassment.

Also, while I’m at this teaching gig of mine, I will warn her that if she is ever in the frozen food aisle at Trader Joe’s and she’s chatting up the free sample guy?  Make sure your right boob isn’t hanging completely out of your v-neck t-shirt because you have no bras that actually can contain them any longer.  If it is, be sure to be holding a very cute 5 month old to distract him with.



Lulu, who needs to visit the lingerie counter, stat.


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